big things have small beginnings.

big things have small beginnings.
some beginnings start so quietly that you don't even notice they're happening. - gossip girl, S2 EP16
i want you to do something, as a way of remembering. pinpoint moments that seem to stand out to you for no particular reason. it can either be in your life or many lives. you never know when you'll look back, realizing this is the moment when it all started. you never know when you'll think 'i can't believe i didn't know that before.' you never know when you'll look at yourself in the mirror and smile, unable to find anything you don't like. you never know when you'll think 'i'm doing good things.' but i want you to know when you start them.



lean on me // lean on you

Sorry this is late y'all. I was supposed to publish this yesterday but this new barista job is really time consuming, and I'm having a little trouble with time management. I hope you enjoy these belated thoughts.
Just something I wrote in the back of my notebook in Biology class last week. I've been more aware lately, these past few weeks, of my own fears regarding being alone. I really do fear it, but why? Is it truly because I'm that uncomfortable with myself that I need someone else and their energy to feed off of? It's hard to understand the human psyche, even harder to understand your own.

How much better would the world be if we all just selflessly offered up our company to one another without expecting anything in return? Instead we tend to introvert ourselves back into our comfortable little shells leaving each other desolate.

I just wish that we could spend more time with one another. I think that would solve a lot of problems.
xx, Bleah


not all about you

You are special.
You are beautiful.
You are wonderful.
You are smart.
You are worth it.

Are any of those statements familiar? Yes, of course. Society throws them at us every day. They are supposed to 'boost our self-esteem'. Make us feel good about ourselves. And I'm not saying that is necessary a bad thing.

But really, when did we get to the point where society needed to tell us we are beautiful & worth it? The Bible tells us that. Isn't it enough? When did we get so caught up in ourselves? So worried about how pretty we are & how smart & how special?

Maybe it's time to look around more. It's not all about how we feel. Maybe instead of entertaining ourselves all the time, we should look for more opportunities to entertain/serve others. Maybe we shouldn't let our moods guide our actions so much.

Our feelings are not at the center of the universe. Maybe it's time we stop acting like they are.



you and me and time


we both plead for time
to take pity on us poor
and keep the
things we’ve kept so far.

time specializes in removing
and everything
that once was
no longer is.

let’s don’t let time
do such a horrible
to everything we’ve ever had
and everything I’ve ever known.

please don’t let
talk you into

x, abby


a weekend for myself.

Oh, my manual free-lensing adventures ;)

From my journal yesterday:

Why hello there. Or should I say goodbye.
Tomorrow morning I will be leaving on a journey. I'm going to a christian conference in my state along with some kids from my student ministries at church. It's my first time leaving on a spiritual journey by myself, and I'm more than ready.
I'm packed. I've gone to Walmart for about 10 pounds of snacks for a 3 hour bus ride. And finished all my homework.
I have a feeling though that I'm not only going to be growing with my faith, but with my relationships with my friends as well.
I have 2 friends that are going, which should be fun, but about 5 other young women are going as well, in which I'd like to get closer with.
All in all, I'm excited to see what my future holds, and I think this weekend just might be a turning point in it.


Seriously guys, I'm beyond excited to leave tomorrow.
Have y'all ever been on a retreat through your church?


i've fallen for your eyes but they don't know me yet

sometimes, when bad things happen, we fall into this ditch of confusion and heartbreak. we don't know what happened or why; we can't conclude if it was our fault or theirs; and we surely are at a loss as to how we can fix things. and once we think we've figured it all out, we realize we're not even close. again and again we go through the painful process of turning the events over in our minds, hoping to see a little light tucked in there to make us feel better; but there isn't one. and we get this drop in our stomachs and a sick feeling that all hope of remedying the situation is lost...and so we give up. we stop trying. we extinguish the little beam of hope inside our hearts.

then all of a sudden, for some odd, unknown reason, it gets better. once again, you start catching them looking at you from across the room. again, they go out of their way to sit by you, to speak to you, to make you laugh and smile. they once again get that beautiful look in their eyes when they're near you. they start to look at you with wonder and awe again. when you laugh, that obnoxious, loud laugh of yours, they just gaze at you with admiration and hold back a giant smile.

but you cant say anything. or, you feel like you can't say anything because you don't want to ruin it. but some days, those days when you feel their eyes burning into your neck...you turn and take in the look on their face, hoping to read their heart, praying that you'll see the wonderment that was there before all the bad stuff happened...you just want to grasp their face in both of your hands and kiss the past away.



take that leap.

sometimes, we feel discouraged to paint, to draw, to craft and create really, because what we have isn't as good as what everyone else has. we have plastic brushes, they have wood, we have washable watercolours, they have the real thing. but for me, right now, eight watercolours is plenty along with the blue plastic paintbrush with the blue part chipping off. honestly, whatever your passion is, go for it. don't let what you don't have hinder you. don't let your own self-doubt push you away from what you really want to do. you're into photography and you have a kodak point + shoot instead of a mark iii? that's okay. work what you have. you're a writer and you feel as though everyone else has said all there is to say? that's okay. say it your own way. whatever it is you want to do, just do it now. take that leap. get a new perspective, and i promise the world will look so much more beautiful than it did before.


Coffee Shop Talk

I love sitting in Starbucks. I love the feeling that coffee shops have, this eclectic aura of jazzy tunes and folksy beats and organic appeal. I believe that coffee shops do more good than therapists because they reveal inner truths without asking any questions. 

I was sitting with my friend Alex the other day over a hazelnut macchiato and I was eaves dropping, somewhat subconsciously, on people's conversations around me. A pair of twenty-something guys behind me trying to discuss the ins and outs of their relationships or lack thereof, a father and daughter to my right on a date, just talking. Even the baristas and the way they banter back and fourth with customers and with one another.

There's something nice about listening to people talk freely. Something really beautiful about the transparency that likes to happen in coffee shops. That's why I say that coffee shops do more good than therapists. They reveal inner truths without asking any questions.

Love always,


i lost my heart to the sea

Part of my heart will forever remain lost amongst the waves
Somewhere beyond that horizon, where sky & sea meet
In that endless land of blue, amid foam & spray

It pulls me, that fragment of my soul
Whispering, calling me back to that sandy shore
And I cannot wait for the day I return

It hurts sometimes, this ache, this longing
"Is it worth it," you ask, "losing your heart to the sea?"
"I don't know", I answer, "but is it worth not losing it?"



the effect of meaningless words

IMG_4292 IMG_4299 IMG_4295_640px IMG_4309 IMG_4320 IMG_4312

Have you ever thought that maybe all the meaningless words make the meaningful words less loud? Have you ever thought that maybe with all the noise of the unimportant, the things that matter aren't being heard? Have you ever thought that the small talk is taking over?

I'm not opposed to small talk. Of course I'm not. I'm just not very good at it. I don't know why. I honestly don't. I just don't see the point I guess. I see the point from a socially acceptable viewpoint. But I don't see its general point. Does it have a point, other than being friendly? And is small talk actually friendly, or is it just something we do so there isn't silence? Do we feel refreshed or understood after engaging in small talk? Is there a point to all this noise?

Have you ever stood in a room full of chatter and wondered if all the chatter is taking over? If all the insignificant words are taking over? The important words aren't being heard because there's just too much noise? The meaningless words have an effect far from meaningless.

Would we listen more if there was less noise?

x, abby


oh, nothing grand.

"oh, um... hi."
"what's your name?"
"sorry, can you speak up a little? my hearing isn't as good as it used to be, you know." wink
"uh, my name is grace."
"oh, well, it's nice to meet you grace!"
"yeah, um, it's nice to meet you too."
"i can't promise i'll remember your name, though, just to give you a fare warning." wink, wink
oh, that's fine, really. no body really remembers me, because i'm not exactly what you would call memorable. 
i'm just shy and quiet and nothing grand. there are very few people in this world who've remembered my name, 
and they're my friends, the only people who actually really, truly matter to me, and apparently i must matter to them, if only a little, 
if they still remember my name. so really, it's okay.
"haha, i'm not good with names, either."
"well, i have to go now. see you later!"
"yeah, see you later."


i am on the alert for the first signs of spring.

i am on the alert for the first signs of spring.
henry david thoreau, walden.
we are always afraid of change. afraid of what it will bring, what it will do to us. but what we don't realise is the world always changes. always. we'd probably only fully understand it if there was a time lapse video of all the four seasons. the world is always changing, right before our eyes. we only pay attention once we look back and see how much is different. so this is me making an effort to look closer, to be silent and listen to the birds making new nests and the leaves sprouting on tree branches. happy, happy march to all of you.
{pea ess: the original was accidentally deleted. sorry about that. i fix it.}