11.9.12

words that fill my mind but not my mouth

mattie
Here's a journal entry from the other day. I'm not exactly sure if what I said made any sense, but it's just something I felt like sharing.

I’m not entirely sure whether I should receive the words “you’re quiet” as a compliment or an insult. Maybe the giver of words is complimenting my ability to listen and contemplate, rather than give my two cents of everything. Maybe he thinks just a bit more of me simply because I like to listen.
Or maybe the giver of words belittles me in his mind for my apparent unsocialization. Maybe he thinks I have nothing to say. Maybe he thinks I’m bored and uninterested. Maybe he sees me as a nuisance to this conversation, as I’m merely shaking my head and muttering a few words here and there.
One thing you have to understand with me is I have two hundred words but I say ten of them. My mind longs to let out a string of words, whether interesting or not, but my larynx thinks otherwise.
It’s not that I can’t think of anything to say, it’s that I don’t say everything I think. If you traveled into the depths of my mind (which I would advise running far, far away if ever the opportunity arises), you would find me to be a very talkative person. You might even consider me outgoing, which is a word I only used to be described as. The main thing that changed between then and now is my thoughts got louder and my voice got quieter.
I guard my words. I let few people know exactly what I’m thinking, if any at all. Words are powerful in my mind. Few words sometimes tell more than a lot. And so I choose to carefully pick a few words, letting the rest speak for itself. I find no need to continue talking when everything has already been said.
Of course, this is me. I know plenty of talkative people who I admire very much.
Here I am, explaining to you that I say little, while I’m going on and on.
So I shall end this little excerpt here. And while I still haven’t the slightest whether the words I get so very often, you’re quiet, are usually said as a compliment or usually said as an insult, I feel I understand myself a bit better, if nothing else.|


xo,
abby

16 comments:

  1. Hmm.. something to truly think about. The meaning of words.. Oh what a life.
    You are lovely just the way you are.. Everyone is. Be it "quiet" or not.


    xo

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  2. oh yes. this is lovely. really!

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  3. Wow. Just, wow. I can completely relate to this. Thank you so much for sharing! xo

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  4. this is so. me. some of the time. i'm very talkative most days, but on other days, i'm just as quiet as you are.
    i understand completely. beautiful, darling.

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  5. Abby, I can totally relate to this.

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  6. This is lovely. I feel like that most of the time, but instead of choosing a few intelligent words, everything I'm thinking at that precise moment spills out of my mouth and I'm left feeling like a complete idiot.
    Beautiful words, Abby. <3

    ~Kate @ in pursuit

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  7. I totally relate; this is so me. I have many words to say. many people who don't know me personally call me quiet.

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  8. this is completely me. I go through this every time someone says, "well you're quiet aren't you?" (which happens just about every time I meet a new person).
    Thank you so much for this, really. I'm bookmarking it to go back to when I need it :)

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  9. Oh this describes me exactly Abby.

    Hannah

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  10. I can relate to this. I'm quiet, and when I do speak I'm usually soft-spoken. I tend to think out what I'm going to say and decide if it's worth saying. (Which, in my opinion, is actually a good habit to get into.)

    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Yes! That's what I do, and while I used to think of it as some sort of social skill lacking, I now think of it as something we all should practice. :-)

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    2. Social skill lacking. Hmm. Can you tell I'm sleep lacking?

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  11. Um so one question- how in the world did you hack into my brain and personality?;) Because that was the closest description of me I've ever heard!! It's something I've kind of struggled with and I definitely needed this post today. Thank you, Abby!

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  12. this is so relevant to me. why is it i always get that comment? lovely writing, thank you for sharing this abby :) x - Jianine

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  13. I love this. I can totally relate. Thank for sharing!

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