Here's a journal entry from the other day. I'm not exactly sure if what I said made any sense, but it's just something I felt like sharing.
I’m not entirely sure whether I should receive the words “you’re quiet” as a compliment or an insult. Maybe the giver of words is complimenting my ability to listen and contemplate, rather than give my two cents of everything. Maybe he thinks just a bit more of me simply because I like to listen.
Or maybe the giver of words belittles me in his mind for my apparent unsocialization. Maybe he thinks I have nothing to say. Maybe he thinks I’m bored and uninterested. Maybe he sees me as a nuisance to this conversation, as I’m merely shaking my head and muttering a few words here and there.
One thing you have to understand with me is I have two hundred words but I say ten of them. My mind longs to let out a string of words, whether interesting or not, but my larynx thinks otherwise.
It’s not that I can’t think of anything to say, it’s that I don’t say everything I think. If you traveled into the depths of my mind (which I would advise running far, far away if ever the opportunity arises), you would find me to be a very talkative person. You might even consider me outgoing, which is a word I only used to be described as. The main thing that changed between then and now is my thoughts got louder and my voice got quieter.
I guard my words. I let few people know exactly what I’m thinking, if any at all. Words are powerful in my mind. Few words sometimes tell more than a lot. And so I choose to carefully pick a few words, letting the rest speak for itself. I find no need to continue talking when everything has already been said.
Of course, this is me. I know plenty of talkative people who I admire very much.
Here I am, explaining to you that I say little, while I’m going on and on.
So I shall end this little excerpt here. And while I still haven’t the slightest whether the words I get so very often, you’re quiet, are usually said as a compliment or usually said as an insult, I feel I understand myself a bit better, if nothing else.|